So it's been a really long time since I've written anything. Lol. I'm sure anyone who was reading me before has left by now. So lately, life has been depressing. I'm working 50+ hours a week, but only getting paid to 40. Also, I got turned down by 2 different people, one of which told me she really liked me, and then less than a week later when I was ready to ask her out, she tells me she has a date with a different guy later in the week. Then can't understand why I didn't want to talk. I just find myself wishing I had someone to hold hands with, and be able to look into their eyes and see that someone in this world actually loves me, for once.
So at work, I'm back at McDonalds, only I'm a GM-In-Training this time! I'm so excited that I've finally reached one of my goals in life, to be a restaurant GM. People think I'm stupid to accept the job title and still go to school. I have always dreamed of being the boss of my own restaurant, ever since I got my first job. And it makes sense it be at McDonalds, since that's what I know the best! Lol. But I will NOT be a lifer. Trust me lol. I just want to be able to say that I was a GM, lol. I'm pathetic sometimes.
Last night and today were pretty crappy days. I've just been so stressed with work and trying to keep up with school that it's been crazy. And my lack of sleep doesn't help. I can't wait for a real day off Friday. Pretty excited.
Well, if anyone reads this, leave a comment, and I'll write more later. I've got lots to tell.
Michael
Monday, December 7, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Changes
So much has changed in my life since my last blog entry. I no longer go to MVNU, or any college for that matter. It's not because of my academics, or because I'm a loser, but rather because I need time to focus on myself and to truly listen to what God wants me to do with my life. But due to my decision to terminate attending school, it seems that virtually everyone that I talked to has cut off our friendships... There are a few wo send a text once in a while, but most have forgotten my existance. My parents are also extremely disappointed in me, as well as everyone else. It's not like I don't feel that I need an education, because I fully intend on returning to school, probably not MVNU, but a school, to continue my education when I'm sure of what I want to do with my life.
Another change in my life is that I recently got my tongue pierced! It's so awesome. I love playing with it, and showing people who know me that I'm full of surprises and am an individual. I'm finally beginning to do things with my life that are for me and not for other people. I've always lived my life thinking "How will people view me if I make this decision?" "Will I be considered a worse person if I do this?" And finally I'm living with the thought process that I want to be me all the time. I still have the common courtesy that I had, but if someone begins to use me or treat me like crap, I'm finally beginning to stick up for myself. Maybe it's the dropping out of school, or the recent heartbreak, or the fact that I've let everyone down around me except myself, but I finally am finding the strength I've needed all this time to stand up for myself and to be myself and not care what someone has to say about me, because in all reality, nobody knows me the way I know me.
One thing I do regret is being so burdened with work and school, that I have few friends. And most of the friends I have get tired of me quickly. And when I'm going through the crap I've been through in the past few weeks, not having a single person to talk to and to cry on their shoulder is extremely difficult. Hell, my own sister told me I was dead to her. And I have nobody to talk to or to cry on. When I try to talk to people I get "What do you expect" or "I'm busy". But when they need someone to talk to, who is always there? I'm by far not a perfect friend. But when someone is down and needs someone to talk to, I have NEVER kicked them while they are down and never EVER said "You wonder why people hate being around you, you're always in a bad mood" I probably wouldn't be that way if I had a friend who took a minute to ask what's wrong and actually care enough to listen. But most of my friends are fake friends, who just put up with me because they feel bad for me or because they feel they need a fall back friend for when things get hairy. And everyone knows that I've always been a huge pushover and will do almost anything for anyone. But those days are pretty much over......
The winds of change have been blowing, and still are. I just hope God gives me the strength to stand in those winds and to change with them.
Another change in my life is that I recently got my tongue pierced! It's so awesome. I love playing with it, and showing people who know me that I'm full of surprises and am an individual. I'm finally beginning to do things with my life that are for me and not for other people. I've always lived my life thinking "How will people view me if I make this decision?" "Will I be considered a worse person if I do this?" And finally I'm living with the thought process that I want to be me all the time. I still have the common courtesy that I had, but if someone begins to use me or treat me like crap, I'm finally beginning to stick up for myself. Maybe it's the dropping out of school, or the recent heartbreak, or the fact that I've let everyone down around me except myself, but I finally am finding the strength I've needed all this time to stand up for myself and to be myself and not care what someone has to say about me, because in all reality, nobody knows me the way I know me.
One thing I do regret is being so burdened with work and school, that I have few friends. And most of the friends I have get tired of me quickly. And when I'm going through the crap I've been through in the past few weeks, not having a single person to talk to and to cry on their shoulder is extremely difficult. Hell, my own sister told me I was dead to her. And I have nobody to talk to or to cry on. When I try to talk to people I get "What do you expect" or "I'm busy". But when they need someone to talk to, who is always there? I'm by far not a perfect friend. But when someone is down and needs someone to talk to, I have NEVER kicked them while they are down and never EVER said "You wonder why people hate being around you, you're always in a bad mood" I probably wouldn't be that way if I had a friend who took a minute to ask what's wrong and actually care enough to listen. But most of my friends are fake friends, who just put up with me because they feel bad for me or because they feel they need a fall back friend for when things get hairy. And everyone knows that I've always been a huge pushover and will do almost anything for anyone. But those days are pretty much over......
The winds of change have been blowing, and still are. I just hope God gives me the strength to stand in those winds and to change with them.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Changing of the Major 2nd time is the charm!
So, today I officially changed my major. Exciting! Woot woot. I'm now a Middle Childhood Education Major, with concentrations in Math and Science. I also plan to get my generalist endorsement and my reading endorsement. I've decided to change my major for a variety of reasons.
1. I suck at playing solos on my euphonium. And everyone and their mom decides to tell me this. Including some people that I really was surprised to hear it from..... :(
2. I've been praying a lot about it and it seems like God is pointing me in this direction (this should probably be #1!)
3. I'm tired of busting my butt for a music degree, and still fall short of exemplary. Freakin Music History.
So a lot of people have told me I'm stupid for changing my major. Yes, I know I'm going to be at MVNU for a while longer. I'm looking to graduate in FA2012. Yes, I know it's a huge jump from music to math and science. Yes, I know I have a lot of classes to take. But you know what? I want to do what will make me happy, not what will get my out of school sooner. Yea, I want to be done soon. But I don't want to e told how much I suck at what I want to do in life. That just makes me miserable. I guess what bothered me the most about when people said I suck was that they constantly told me, practice more practice more practice more. I DID! I can play the piece just fine and dandy when it's only me in the room. But when other people come in the room I tense up and suck at life. I hate hate hate hate hate HATE solos. Like a tiny one in band is ok, but not a 5-8 minute long one with only the piano and I. No, and honestly, when would that be a reality for a Music Educator? Most of the music teachers I know from high school haven't played a solo in decades. But that's just me. Juries don't bother most people I guess, I just hate them.
Well that's enough ranting for now. I just hope people get off my back about my decisions about MY life.
Michael
1. I suck at playing solos on my euphonium. And everyone and their mom decides to tell me this. Including some people that I really was surprised to hear it from..... :(
2. I've been praying a lot about it and it seems like God is pointing me in this direction (this should probably be #1!)
3. I'm tired of busting my butt for a music degree, and still fall short of exemplary. Freakin Music History.
So a lot of people have told me I'm stupid for changing my major. Yes, I know I'm going to be at MVNU for a while longer. I'm looking to graduate in FA2012. Yes, I know it's a huge jump from music to math and science. Yes, I know I have a lot of classes to take. But you know what? I want to do what will make me happy, not what will get my out of school sooner. Yea, I want to be done soon. But I don't want to e told how much I suck at what I want to do in life. That just makes me miserable. I guess what bothered me the most about when people said I suck was that they constantly told me, practice more practice more practice more. I DID! I can play the piece just fine and dandy when it's only me in the room. But when other people come in the room I tense up and suck at life. I hate hate hate hate hate HATE solos. Like a tiny one in band is ok, but not a 5-8 minute long one with only the piano and I. No, and honestly, when would that be a reality for a Music Educator? Most of the music teachers I know from high school haven't played a solo in decades. But that's just me. Juries don't bother most people I guess, I just hate them.
Well that's enough ranting for now. I just hope people get off my back about my decisions about MY life.
Michael
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Bored
This weekend is excessively boring. I should really be doing homework, but I'm not really motivated. Sleep/watching tv is more entertaining. But in reality I should be writing 4 article reviews, writing 5 lesson plans, doing a hardcore history assignment, and doing 2 pages of theory homework :/ Oh well. Lol. Suppose I'll go do something :)
Michael
Michael
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Confused
Do you ever get in those ruts where nothing makes sense to you? Like, nothing at all, not what you plan to do in life, not what the rules are, and especially not why it's so hard to become a music teacher!
I love music. A lot. But it seems like you have to jump through 70 hoops at once to become a teacher. I learn things in some classes I know I'll never use. Some things just don't apply for a Band Room. And it seems like the things I really feel I need to learn, I'm not getting. I have no idea how to run after school programs, like Marching Band and Jazz Band, and Pep Band, but is there a course to take to learn that stuff? Nope. Just like there's nothing for Show choir for the vocal majors.
Sometimes it feels like I'm trapped in a major that I shouldn't be in. When I decided to be a music major, it was assumed that I was instrumental. In all actuality, I probably would have chosen vocal, had I known I had a choice in the matter. I'm definately not great at singing or at playing my euphonium, but it seems like I've always had more fun singing, and singing solos, than playing solos. I have such a hard time keeping time when there's no one conducting me. And in all reality, how many Band Teachers need to be able to play solos? I can understand the need to be able to play well in a group, which I'm good at, but solos are just a pain, and I'm sure all music majors agree with me there. If I wanted to play solos all the time, I would be a music performance major! Lol. Oh well. Complaining gets you no where.
I love music. A lot. But it seems like you have to jump through 70 hoops at once to become a teacher. I learn things in some classes I know I'll never use. Some things just don't apply for a Band Room. And it seems like the things I really feel I need to learn, I'm not getting. I have no idea how to run after school programs, like Marching Band and Jazz Band, and Pep Band, but is there a course to take to learn that stuff? Nope. Just like there's nothing for Show choir for the vocal majors.
Sometimes it feels like I'm trapped in a major that I shouldn't be in. When I decided to be a music major, it was assumed that I was instrumental. In all actuality, I probably would have chosen vocal, had I known I had a choice in the matter. I'm definately not great at singing or at playing my euphonium, but it seems like I've always had more fun singing, and singing solos, than playing solos. I have such a hard time keeping time when there's no one conducting me. And in all reality, how many Band Teachers need to be able to play solos? I can understand the need to be able to play well in a group, which I'm good at, but solos are just a pain, and I'm sure all music majors agree with me there. If I wanted to play solos all the time, I would be a music performance major! Lol. Oh well. Complaining gets you no where.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
